Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Teaser Tuesdays: The Day Zombies Ruined my Perfectly Boring Life

Who doesn't like a good tease? I'm a strong believer that it only takes three pages to let you know if you want to continue reading a book or not. With this in mind each week Two Chicks Blogging will bring you a tease from different books to give you a example of what's out there.

The first book I'm teasing your reading senses with actually comes from my Blogging partner Jen Naumann. First it was all about vampires, but now it's all about zombies. Here is a tease from her very funny and thrilling book The Day Zombies Ruined my Perfectly Boring Life:


~TEASE~

ONE


I feel less than alert—despite the energy drink I consumed as the sun was first rising—when the homecoming queen drops me at the curb in front of my house. I am relieved to finally break free from her dad’s old Lincoln that has a rancid stench of sunflower seeds and rotten cigars. I slam the rusty door and lean down to wave.
Mindy’s blond hair sticks out wildly around her face from her loose ponytail and there are dark rings beginning to form underneath her bright green eyes—both results of our eventful night. I imagine my own reflection would give me tremors at the moment if I had some kind of mirror at my disposal.
“See you at the dance tonight!” Mindy beams wildly.
“Yay. I can hardly wait,” I return, making no attempt to hide the sarcasm in my voice.
She honks the horn twice and pulls away. I hold my hand up until she is gone from sight. Although I get along with pretty much anyone and everyone, being in the company of royalty such as Mindy McKinney doesn’t make me popular by default. There are only fifty girls in the entire senior class, and being in a school that small, your chances of being homecoming queen—regardless of your looks or social status—become much higher by default. Don’t get me wrong; Mindy is certainly pretty and popular, but once you get to know her you eventually come to realize she has the personality of a tree stump, at best.
Having just returned from an all-nighter with some of my fellow senior girls, a nine-hour nap seems in order. For the record, it wasn’t my idea to “decorate” the senior football players’ homes for homecoming. I say “decorate” very loosely as transporting chickens from a classmate’s farm to the players’ garages was involved. We also placed large tire tractors in the middle of their driveways and wrapped their cars with endless rolls of Saran wrap. Most likely we will get some kind of “disciplinary action” for our excursion—maybe even face suspension once Monday morning arrives. But what would senior year be without the threat of not getting to participate in the graduation ceremony?
I look up at our stellar stone-front house nestled just on the edge of the thick woods that separate us from town. We built the monstrosity ten years ago after my parents received a generous inheritance from my wealthy grandparents. I have never understood why my parents, who are hardly ever home themselves, felt the need to have three extra bedrooms. I sometimes wonder if maybe they had planned on having more children, but changed their minds once they realized we actually needed to be fed, clothed and given occasional attention.
Surprisingly, the front door to the house is wide open. We never use that door, not even on Halloween as my mom doesn’t believe in giving sugar to other people’s children—she thinks they’re all too hyper even without it. Instead, my best friend and I like to hide in the bushes and see how many kids we can scare half to death until a parent comes by to chew us out. Last year there were hardly any kids who came out—I think the little buggers are finally on to us.
A gust of really cold wind blows through me and I look up to see the clouds are beginning to thicken. Holding my sweatshirt tightly against my body, I quickly cross the manicured yard to the open door and slam it shut behind me. I holler out a greeting that bounces off the peaks of the high ceilings, but is met with silence. Figuring my dad is probably engaged in another bizarre project, I continue all the way through the house to our backyard.
The weeds out back have always been a major source of contention for my dad. Even though fall is here, he is known to be working on the weeds up until the first frost of the season. On more than one occasion, I remember him having to wear gloves and a stocking cap while doing it. According to him, they are on the county’s property line—why should he spend his precious time weeding it when his taxes pay the county to do a perfectly good job of it?—or something like that. My dad is forever ranting about some political conspiracy theory or how the president is a horrible leader and will eventually cause the apocalypse in one way or another. I don’t usually give that much weight to his ramblings—if I did, I certainly would have turned insane years ago.
But I find the backyard to be empty, too.
Despite the wicked wind pulling my hair up around my face, the trees in the forest seem to be unnaturally still, causing a cold trickle of fear down my back. I never used to be such a scaredy-cat, but my best friend and I recently watched a marathon of horror movies and my overactive imagination can sometimes get the best of me. A few days ago I could have sworn on my own life that a lifelike doll from my childhood was staring at me—I spent an entire morning paralyzed in bed until I was completely sure she wasn’t going to attack me. 
Deciding I just need a shower and a whole lot of sleep to reset my paranoid mind, I turn on my heels just as a faint moan drifts towards me. I stop at once. 
Filled with a sickening dread, I shuffle my feet to where the now gold and red trees meet our backyard. The only thing I see moving is a small gathering of bright leaves. They circle in the sky just above me in a mini-tornado pattern before they flutter down and land at my feet. I stand and watch, fascinated.
The moan returns, more guttural this time. My attention is drawn back to the woods. Another sound like a heavy log being dragged through dried leaves comes from my right. Just a few yards away from where my dad thinks to be our property line, the outline of a person comes into view behind a line of nearly bare maple trees.
By her ill choice in fashion, it is obviously a younger woman coming toward me although the features of her face are not totally clear in the distance between us. Her long brown hair hangs down in straight clumps, swinging back and forth with each off-balanced step she takes. A bright pink t-shirt with the word “Boss” displayed across the chest in rhinestones clings tightly to her petite body and her long legs jet out from what I perceive to be a totally out of style pair of all too short gym shorts. Why she would be dressed in such skimpy attire on a cool fall day is beyond me, but I guess she could be one of those insane people who like putting their bodies through the torture of daily exercise.
What this chick is even doing in the back of our crappy old woods is a serious mystery in itself. From her ill style of clothing and neglected personal hygiene she would be better off heading to a mall for some kind of emergency makeover.
“Can I help you?” I finally ask her loudly. Then I correct myself silently—probably nothing I can do will save her from her traumatic lack of fashion sense. “Do you need…something?”
Her speed quickens at the sound of my voice and the odd moaning amplifies—I suddenly realize she is making the horrible noise. Great. Lack of fashion and inability to communicate are apparently both problems for her. The wind slams a rotten odor into my nostrils, forcing me to hold my breath.
With each step she takes, it is clear there is plenty more wrong with her. Her head hangs down and off to the side as if the muscles in her neck have worn out. I still can’t see her face clearly as that nappy hair covers most of it, but there is something really off in the coloring of her skin that seems to be more of a pale gray. And the deficiencies don’t stop there. Not only is her skin discolored, but it’s muddled and torn. It’s far worse than having just forgotten to wash her face at bedtime.
I begin to fear that she is a leper.
My heart beat speeds up to a disconcerting rate. “Ah…are you okay? Do you need a doctor or something?”
As the distance closes between me and this tragically fashion-challenged woman, I become frozen in fear. Hair still covers a portion of her face but I can now see her pupils. They are completely white. And her jaw hangs down to reveal a majority of her teeth appear to be missing. Her face is covered in something kind of like boils that ooze blood. Together, the neglected appearance and nasty smell are simply nauseating—it is far worse than my original conclusion of a lack of fashion.
It occurs to me now:
1. This woman is definitely not okay,
2. If she gets any closer, she will get her leprosy or whatever all over me, and 
3. Being near her could result in great bodily harm or possibly some kind of dismemberment if she is in fact violent, as I am beginning to suspect.
{End of Tease}

Find The Day Zombies Ruined My Perfectly Boring Life at 

iBooks

About the author:

 Jen was born and raised in no-man's land Minnesota. She lives on a farm with her husband (of 14 years) Brian, children Sammy and Owen, and mutts Jake and Bellatrix. Yes, that’s right. She named her dog after the crazy witch from Harry Potter. She’s a fan girl like that. She is also obsessed with Jack Johnson, Beastie Boys, Foo Fighters, Goonies, concerts, photography and all things zombies (Walking Dead, Zombieland, Shaun of the Dead). Jen likes to laugh. A lot. If something she writes on here sounds like it could be sarcastic, it probably is. While she doesn’t have high fashion available to her within a 200 mile radius, she likes to think she dresses smart. Just to be safe, you probably want to ask Maria for advice in that department. Everything else—including relationship advice—is fair game.


Check out Jen on her bloghttp://paranormalya.blogspot.com

~ Maria






Saturday, January 26, 2013

Scary Stuff

I love being scared. Not scared for my life or scared of anything involving my family, but dropping off the highest tip of a roller coaster, reading a book while hiding under the covers or watching a movie that makes my skin crawl.

Probably one of my favorite films of all time is "Se7en". I've seen it a hundred times and it still wigs me out. The murders are dark and twisted, making you afraid to look, yet still wanting to see more. (And Brad Pitt in his prime probably doesn't hurt anything either.)

I've been a huge Stephen King fan since a very early age. I guess he has a bigger influence on me than I realized as I recently changed my fourth novel from a somewhat sappy love story into a creepy tale of a girl who can see ghosts and has something dark chasing after her soul. It feels amazing to be back in the saddle, writing about spooky stuff.

Why is this?

According to Wikipedia, I may be an adrenaline junkie:

An adrenaline junkie is somebody appearing to be addicted to endogenous epinephrine. The "high" is caused by self-inducing a fight-or-flight response by intentionally engaging in stressful or risky behavior, which causes a release of epinephrine by the adrenal gland. Adrenaline junkies appear to favor stressful activities for the release of epinephrine as a stress response. Whether or not the positive response is caused specifically by epinephrine is difficult to determine, as endorphins are also released during the fight-or-flight response to such activities.

Yeah my ADD just skimmed through a big part of this, but at least now I may have an idea as to why I crave these thrill-seeking things.

Does being an adrenaline junkie mean I'm going to start sky diving or charming snakes? That would be a big fat NO. I'm still a major baby about some things. But will I be at the next zombie movie release or zip-lining a few weeks in Mexico? Hell yes. My mental health may be counting on it.

~Jen

Monday, January 14, 2013

Girls: Season 2 Premier Recap


 **Warning Spoiler Alert** If you haven't watched the first episode yet then stop reading, or if you're like me and like to know what happens before you watch then go ahead and read.

I had no idea that The Golden Globes were on last night, mostly because all I cared about was that Season two of Girls was airing on HBO. I has happy to find out this morning that Girls won best comedy show and Lena Dunham won best actress in a comedy show. I knew I loved this show for a reason.

The first episode in season two of Girls did not disappoint last night. It began with Hannah in bed with her gay ex-boyfriend Elijah, which I found important to show the viewer, he not only her new roommate but he is also taking the place of her old roommate and best-friend Marnie. Throughout the show Hannah and Elijah kept telling each other that they are the "best roommate ever," which to me means trouble is just around the corner.

We also learned Hannah has moved on from Adam and is now sleeping with Sandy (Donald Glover), while he chases her around a book store with a "boner." I'm digging Sandy, but he might be too normal for Hannah. She's already given him a list of things he can't do, one of them being saying the word love, even in a joke. She says this is her way of protecting herself from the "dementos and slugs and weirdos." We all know the weirdos are what she's into and helps make the show (a.k.a Adam.)



Speaking of Adam, he's back still recovering from being hit by a bus. He's using a guilt trip on Hannah to keep her around. Every time she comes close to telling him it's over he begins to remind her it's her fault he's in so much pain. When Hannah finally does get to tell him, he refuses to except it and reminds her how much she chased him in the past. I'm sure we haven't seen the last of shirtless Adam. And please Girls keep him without a shirt on, there's just something about his strange body that amuses me.

Okay and now for the rest of the girls: Marnie seems to be as lost as ever. I loved how she goes out to lunch with her boss, who is so self involved she forgets to tell Marnie she's was going to fire her over lunch. It's something I would do. Good thing I'm nobody's boss. We also get to meet Marnie's mother (Rita Wilson), who comments on how old Marnie looks. I was shocked to see her mother is actually cool and not so tightly wound up like Marnie. It's also amusing how one of the best looking character on the show gets reminded how bad and old she's looking.



Most of the episode took place in Hannah and Elijah's apartment as they host their first party. It quickly becomes apparent that Shoshanna will be stealing every scenes again. She arrives in her cute little hat and announce she's okay with seeing Ray. Best line in show, "I may be deflowered but I'm not devalued." It doesn't matter what is happening on the show every time Shoshanna is on the screen you can't help but smile. She really is the best character out there. I need a friend like her in my life.

Shoshanna gets to tell Ray how she feels about him dropping her after they had sex. Ray quickly explains it was because of her texts, which contained way too many Emojis. I have the same issue. I swear there is people out there that make up something to say just so they can use different Emojis. Anyway, Ray basically tells her he likes her and misses her then grabs her and kisses her as he spills his beer. I'm sorry but it's not right to spill beer unless it's for your homies.

We also get to see Charlie with his new girlfriend at the party. I did wonder why he was there I never thought of him and Hannah as friends. We quickly get to see how he's suffocating his new girlfriend the same way he suffocated Marnie, as he waits outside the bathroom for her to go. I felt embarrassed for him since it all happened in front of his Marnie. She also gets to witness him being dumped, which again was uncomfortable for me to watch. I hate seeing people embarrass them self.


I will admit it was a treat to hear Marnie sing, and I have to say she has a great voice. She and Elijah begin to talk about the people in their lives. Elijah starts to question that he might be bisexual  and before you know it they begin to have sex, which was so awkward to watch. Elijah does have trouble getting hard, which proves he's more gay than bisexual. Marnie tells him he really doesn't have to try to be something he's not. He responds "neither do you." Hopefully this means Marnie will stop trying to be so uptight. She ends up going to Charlie's apartment to sleep next him. These two are destined to get back together and live a boring life.

The show ends with Hannah going to see Sandy, where she of course removes her dress. That woman loves to be naked, and I personally applauded her for showing what most woman really look like. This show proves you don't have to have a bunch of beautiful people in it to be a hit. You just have to have a good writer. Thank you Lena Dunham (Golden Globe winner) for creating such an amazing show.
This is going to be a great season!



~Maria

Happy Birthday, Dave Grohl!

Happy 44th birthday to the sexiest beast in rock history! We love you!
~Jen & Maria

Friday, January 11, 2013

New Music Discovery

Maria and I know music makes the world go around and sometimes it can even make our imaginations go wild with new story ideas. In the past couple of weeks, I've come across a few tunes that may not be new to everyone else, but are brand-spanking new to me (remember I live in BFE - it takes longer for stuff to come around this way), and I can't get enough of them. When I write, I listen to a playlist of 20-some songs on repeat and these gems have been added. Click on the orange buttons to have a listen:

1. Common People by Pulp. I couldn't find the original version on SoundCloud, so you'll have to listen to this cover or listen to the original on YouTube. This song has such a retro vibe to it. Totally reminds me of David Bowie. The funky beat inspires me to write a really happy scene...maybe even a happy ending.


2. Eyes on Fire by Blue Foundation. When I first heard this on The Vampire Diaries, I was all, "What is this magical noise?" The tune is so haunting and sexy. Part of it may have to do with Ian Sommerhalder being in the scene when the song was played. Regardless, it makes my main character feel pretty groovy.


3. Heads Will Roll by Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Everyone has probably heard this one on Project X. I prefer the original song, but couldn't find it on SoundCloud, so I give you the techno mix. There's something about the mix of the heavy guitars with the female voices that really get to me, making me want to write something mysterious. Maybe it's just because I'm on this major alternative kick lately. Or maybe it's the super creepy cover.


 4. Yeah Yeah by Willy Moon. This one is so upbeat and makes me want to dance. Good thing this is not a vlog, because I promise you wouldn't want to see my "moves". But it also makes for a great party scene where everyone gets crazy.


 5. Come Home by CHAPPO. Another upbeat tune that makes everyone in my story want to go out and do something epic.

~Jen

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Movie Review: Texas Chainsaw 3D



Cast:
Alexandra Daddario: Heather
Tania Raymonde: Nikki
Scott Eastwood: Carl
Trey Songz: Ryan

Runtime: 1 hr 32 mins
Rating: R

Plot: Heather goes to Texas with friends to collect an inheritance. It is here Heather and her friends meet up with Leatherface. Little does she know the connection she has with him.

In My Opinion: I knew this movie was not going to be anything new and would be a total cliche, but the horror movie lover in me had to go and see it. First of all this movie is not a remake, it's the sequel to the original 1974 Texas Chainsaw film. You have to pretend none of the others were ever made. It was awesome to see the a montage of clips of the original movie. Okay this movie wasn't as horrible as I thought it was going to be as it had many parts that actually made me jump and some cool gruesome slasher scenes. Now for the bad: The characters were horrible. You had all your cliche personalities, which include the slut, the hitchhiker, and so on. The biggest issue I had with all these characters was they were all so annoying that you actually looked forward to seeing them get killed. The twist was also very predictable and you saw it coming as soon as the movie started. I must also point out that no one in this movie could run without tripping or falling. I know very cliche. It became a little annoying after a while. The truth is it's become difficult to find a horror movie without it having the same old formula. Maybe it's the reason I like horror movies, because I know no matter how predictable they are they are still going to find a way to make me jump.

It Rating Time

The Story: 2 out of 5 stars: It was okay and it did mange to keep me entertained.

The Acting: 1 out of 5 stars: They were all really bad with the exception of Leatherface. 

The Scare Factor: 3 out of 5 stars: Yes it was predictable, but it did keep me entertained.

Overall Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Bottom line: It was alright, but you can wait to see at home. Trust me the 3D effects make no impact on this movie.

~Maria

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Amazon's Top 10 Books of 2012

Happy 2013! Hope everyone had an amazing New Year's celebration!

Sometimes there are so many good books out there it's hard to sort through them all. I know I have a list of 300+ to read going and easily forget about some of them. Here's just 10 of the 100 Amazon listed as their top sellers for 2012. Yesterday when I looked it showed two of the 50 Shades of Ickiness Grey on the first screen, so I don't believe these are the actual top 10 and it's more of a random sampling. I've only read Gone Girl and The Fault in Our Stars, which were both amazing (and I highly recommend them). Has anyone else read any of the other 8?

~Jen
The Round HouseThe Yellow Birds: A NovelGone Girl: A NovelThe End of Your Life Book Club
The Round House
by Louise Erdrich
4.4 out of 5 stars (424)
List Price:$27.99
Price:$15.70
You Save:$12.29 (44%)
In Stock
The Yellow Birds: A Novel
by Kevin Powers
4.0 out of 5 stars (223)
List Price:$24.99
Price:$14.16
You Save:$10.83 (43%)
In Stock
Gone Girl: A Novel
by Gillian Flynn
3.7 out of 5 stars (5,509)
List Price:$25.00
Price:$13.93
You Save:$11.07 (44%)
In Stock
The End of Your Life Book Club
by Will Schwalbe
4.3 out of 5 stars (263)
List Price:$25.00
Price:$15.85
You Save:$9.15 (37%)
In Stock

Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk: A NovelBehind the Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death, and Hope in a Mumbai UndercityA Hologram for the KingThe Middlesteins: A Novel
Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk: A Novel
by Ben Fountain
4.0 out of 5 stars (157)
List Price:$25.99
Price:$14.12
You Save:$11.87 (46%)
In Stock
Behind the Beautiful Forevers: Life, Death, and Hope in a Mumbai Undercity
by Katherine Boo
4.2 out of 5 stars (323)
List Price:$27.00
Price:$15.63
You Save:$11.37 (42%)
In Stock
A Hologram for the King
by Dave Eggers
3.2 out of 5 stars (92)
List Price:$25.00
Price:$16.50
You Save:$8.50 (34%)
In Stock
The Middlesteins: A Novel
by Jami Attenberg
3.5 out of 5 stars (112)
List Price:$24.99
Price:$15.24
You Save:$9.75 (39%)
In Stock

MortalityThe Fault in Our Stars